Reading a shitton of romance novels thinking about the perfect you.

(Why can’t you be real?)

And all I want right now is (restrestrest)

- you here by my side.

Who are you?

Do I know you?

I dream of your (face) and you look like




all my dreams are spun in stardust and you are nothing







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Flowers Are Irrelevant. But then again who cares?

Perhaps everyone just need a shot of espresso and vodka and move on.


  MaybeI need to down a couple o’ shots (or ten) of whiskey and espresso and a whole mug of black coffee to move on.

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‘Cause at the end of the day I still feel lonely.

Dear you,

I’m not sure what to feel about you anymore. But I’m pretty sure it’s more than what I’ve anticipated. 

I think it’s too late to stop.

Bahala na.


Tired But Happy

Tired But Happy

Woke up at ass-o-clock in the morning for rehearsals only to find out that it was cancelled. But it’s okay ’cause I get to spend some time with these people.

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Dear you,

It has been months since the last time but somehow you still manage to pull that one string of mine.

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Pomegranate Kisses And Semi-Circle Chilis

Life has been filled with paragraphs filled with adjectives ranging from the extremely palatable to the nauseating and verbs that you can almost hear. Of mistakes sticking to the bottom of pan, not enough oil, I’ve realized too late and of raisin coated fingers but never sweet, always stale to the tongue and the scent hanging off just on the outer edge of the nostrils…

In short: Life has been pretty boring.

I haven’t had the pretty woop-dee-doo summer life yet (unlike some people I know). Not that I’m expecting anything to happen at this point in my vacation, because really, the sun has been beating on our backs since it settled itself in the middle of our Solar System. Worse, the Ozone layer in this part of the planet seems to be thinning at a ridiculously rapid rate compared to the rest of the world because holy wow what is this heat. I’m just glad that I’ve kind of maybe gotten used to it, only staying at our house’s ground floor. The second floor continue to do it’s job as our sauna room – or floor, rather.

I’ve come to accompany my best friend to her school too, for her shifting degrees. I hope she makes it. She likewise accompanies me in completing my passport requirements.

For all that’s worth, I’ve only asked her to accompany her so I can spend more time with her.


But I already had my passport processed last Thursday. It was pretty much all waiting and less processing because wow, I’ve never waited for anything for as long as I did last week. But it was okay. I guess. If you’re into four hours of waiting and only fifteen minutes of document processing.

Really, it was good.

Besides that, my life has been pretty much bland.

It sucks.

Here’s a picture of my cat anyway:


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Something Old, Something New

Is this what love feels like?

Not the romantic kind of love where everything is grounded on mutual everything – give and take. Rather, the kind of love that makes you want to give up everything to that one person and not expect anything in return, the kind of love that you see in those sad movies that makes you ugly-cry just because the lead actor is a pretty stupid martyr giving up his chance at true love (the romantic kind) by giving away his true love to another guy, the kind of love that just fucking hurts because you can’t do anything about it but you still push, push because you love that person that much.

Maybe this is what Jesus felt when he still walked the earth.

These past few days, my best friend and I started hanging out – just the two of us. She first asked me to go with her last Monday to accompany her on her enrollment. She asked me if I could accompany her again the day after that ’cause she needed to go to another school to inquire about school-related things. I said yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I?

Then we hanged out again awhile ago ’cause I needed someone to go with me to do some errands.

I think we needed this day. She had to let go some of the frustrations she was feeling, and I too had my own frustration and stories to tell her. Only her.

She’s a breath of fresh air to me. I can freely open my filter and just let everything spill. 

I’ve never had a sister – it was always just my brother and I in my family. Sometimes it just feels like I’m an only child since  my brother and I have a huge ten-year difference and I don’t really remember much of my childhood when he and I would play together (did we ever?).

A lot of people have been thinking that she and I are siblings. Not that I have a problem about it. Although I sometimes pretend that I’m annoyed by it, I do in fact secretly like it when people tell us that we look alike.

There’s no doubt that I would be a very proud twin/sister, if I were related to her.

I love her – in a way that I would lay down everything for her. I wouldn’t shield her from the world. No. I would rather let her see the  ugly world than let her cling on to false hope. Maybe that’s why I’m never nice to her. Yes, I tell her ‘good luck’ and ‘you can do it’ but when it comes to making decisions, I try my hardest to make her see both sides. I once said to her to stop being so negative about (something) ’cause that’s my job. It’s my job to be the ‘bad guy’ in the situation so she could see that not everything is all butterflies and cookies and unicorns puking rainbows.

Not everything is so fucking sweet.

When I first told her that I might be leaving (via facebook lmao), she told me she cried. Hard. I was secretly laughing though ’cause she never cries, at least I don’t think so. She never admits her weakness. To be honest, I’m not the type of person that hates seeing people cry. I actually like it – glad to know they’re human. I just hate the comforting part ’cause I never know what to do. But when she told me she cried, I didn’t tell her that ‘everything is going to be okay’ because fuck you, it’s not. It’s never going to be okay. But she understood. I’m glad she understood. So I told her the truth.

I can never lie to her.

You know the type of love that transcends love itself? To be honest, I don’t quite know what that is and how it feels like but I would guess that this must be it.

I’m not in-love with her because god that would be so totally freaky. And gross. Yuck. But I love her, in a way that a sister might love her mother, in a way that a mother might love her daughter, in a way that Hachiko the dog loves his owner.

She’s my best friend and I would do anything and everything to make her happy. I would do anything and everything to keep her safe.

She’s my best friend but sometimes I feel like she’s my sister. More than my sister to be honest. It’s like she’s my other half – but not in that freaky sci-fi telepathy twins-whatever way, no. She’s my other half in a way that my life would feel incomplete if she’s not here. Not here, physically. More of here, spiritually, if one were to believe in spirits.

I believe in soulmates.

I believe that soulmates exists not only between lovers but also between friends.

If so, then she is definitely, defintely my soulmate.

I’m not sure if most of you can understand.

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100 Degrees of Piss Off

If ever you’re reading this just know that you suck so bad right now I wanna punch you in the face.


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